44 of 44 Presidents. 104 of 112 Supreme Court justices. Over 90% of all elected Congress members. A Church in every single town and neighborhood in the US. Laws that represent their morality in every state. Almost every CEO and corporate board member. 75% + of the population. These are apparently the numbers that tell the story of a repressed people. Christians. Excuse me while laugh my ass off.

Christians love to tell everyone (mostly themselves) that they are the true oppressed people in the United States. Why do they say this? Apparently because non-Christians are permitted to express their opinions. It’s like the Harlem Globe Trotters filing a formal protest with the International Basketball Federation because the Washington Generals were allowed to score a point. Where in the vast Christian wasteland that is the USA are Christians EVER repressed? When this question is asked many Christians will tell you that the answer is “everywhere, everyday”. Bullshit.

Christians suffer under the delusion that when something doesn’t go their way, even slightly, this is a sign that their Vulcan death grip on American society and government is waning. This of course means that Christianity is under siege. Gays permitted to marry in 6 states? Stalin-Redux. Muslims building one mosque in the state of Tennessee? A second 9/11. Women having their basic health care needs covered on their insurance that they work or pay for? Well that is just like the Japanese military killing 2000 people at Pearl Harbor. Why don’t you people get down off of your cross for a moment and take a close look at what it is you are actually saying.

Take this Chick-Fil-A fiasco. Thousands and thousands of Christians show up at a so-so fried chicken establishment to show solidarity with its oppressed multi-millionaire CEO. This poor trod upon man has suffered the indignity of being told that his hateful comments about gay Americans and their rights are undignified. Some evil liberal mayors even issued totally powerless threats to block their restaurants from their cities! It’s almost as if…PEOPLE LIKE GAY PEOPLE

 

As an atheist and an American citizen (reluctantly) I think I have a much better case to make regarding oppression. I am the most hated minority in the country. Several states ban me from office (even though it is unconstitutional to do so). I am told on a daily basis that my “kind” are immoral denizens of Gomorrah with the blood of babies on their hands (and I am only slightly exaggerating on that last point). We are told that Americans would more likely elect Vladimir Putin president than an atheist, and every bad thing that happens, from school shootings to loosing your car keys, are blamed on us godless heathens and our attempt to remove Christianity from the heart of of American culture. That being said, I do not in any way feel oppressed. I have the law on my side. The law that says that WE ARE ALL EQUAL under the law (at least in theory), and I live in a state (Illinois) that does not have the collective IQ of a scooped out turtle shell. But many American atheists are not so lucky. Some of them live in Mississippi!!! That fact is probably a sign of the imminent Christian genocide as well, I am sure.

We have a (badly written) Constitution that recognizes religious pluralism, and a (mostly well written) Bill of Rights that guarantees all of us equality under the law and religious (and non-religious) freedom. This includes Christians…AND ATHEISTS. Gasp. I know. The horror.

So until atheists or Jews or Hindus or Wiccans or Sikhs or Muslims hold the majority of offices, run the majority of businesses and demand that their morality be put front and center in every law, I will politely but firmly ask that Christians SHUT THE HELL UP about being oppressed in this country. Enjoy your shitty hateful chicken.