Democracy, Liberty, Philosophy

A Sociopath’s Guide to Creating a Corporate Dictatorship In 10 Easy Steps

As a conservative sociopathic free market zealot you have many options to choose from in your quest for total world Corporatocracy. We ask you that you consider this humble 10 step system below. We think it has potential, and is relatively easy to accomplish given your business and political connections. So get to work and try it out bud! It just might be FUN!

 

1. Assess: Take a look around for nation with a steady and reasonably growing economy with moderate deficits and little to no debt or even a surplus.

 

2. Propose: Claim that the government is holding too much of the peoples’ money in this time of plenty! Let the market make EVEN MORE MONEY with the surplus/low debt levels! Send out modest tax returns to the lower and middle classes and a whopping huge series of cuts for the super-rich and Corporations.

 

3. Bribe: While those trouble makers like economists and everyday people and businesses who are not billionaires complain about the tax cuts, give the middle class and working classes a large sop to their interests in the form of an unaffordable expansion of the welfare state! But make sure that this expansion is put on the credit card and that most of the money goes to your friends in private industry that will get fat government contracts on the people’s dime! Also distract the people with one (or two) of those Wars they seem to like so damn much. Put that on the credit card as well.

 

4. Gamble: Put all of the faith and credit of the United States into a system that rewards non-productive money men for betting on the risk that the nation will fall apart at the seams financially! Hedge those bets, double down, and then suggest that the middle class and poor get in on the game as well with their pensions and savings! (It is of course too late for them of course seeing as how their bosses already put their savings and pensions INTO the casino-I mean Free Market.)

 

5. Break the Bank: When the magnificent edifice you created out of smoke and toothpicks falls apart all over the economy, and you lose all your money in the casino–I mean Free Market, blame those damn government regulations and unions for demanding accountability in a time when the Job Creators should have been making more money and creating jobs! You distracted them and NOW look what happened!

 

6. Have Mom and Dad Bail You Out: “Gee gosh good golly, we sure made a mistake…but you know what, we have so much of our wealth and the nation’s wealth and credit tied up in this failed gamble that if you don’t bail us out EVERYONE is gonna be outta work. Really? Really truly? You will? Just this once? Thank you Mommy and Daddy! It will never happen again!”

 

7. Blame the New Guy and The Poor Blame the new leader for implementing/continuing to implement/improve upon the policies that the people who hot you into this mess wrote and proposed. Start mumbling about how the deficit is looking MIGHTY big and that new leader is looking RATHER Lenin-like. Claim that is was liberal policies that got us into this mess in the first place, along with the market being FORCED by the big bad Government to help out those poor people who were not ready for homes (all the while forget to mention the wars you started, the welfare handout to the business community, the tax cuts and did we mention THE WARS?)

 

8. Wake Up Grandpa: Now that the economy is in the shitter and government is deadlocked, start whispering to Grandpa that the libs want to raid his Medicare and Social Security again! Tell them that it is RIGHT ON THE VERGE OF BANKRUPTCY. Tell them you have no idea how THAT happened (probably the socialists or the Japanese) and give them a bunch of cash, signboards, buses, and an entire TV network so that they can protest the despicable socialist and his subversive Red Chinese loving defects. Did we mention the president is a black Muslim? AND WE ARE AWAY!

 

9. Shocked…Shocked! This is where sociopathy REALLY comes in handy: Pretend to be SHOCKED…SHOCKED that there is gambling going on here, and that of course it was those free spending liberals buying poor and minority votes that did it. Too bad the “grownups” were not in charge of things or else we may still have an economy that exceeds market expectations whatever the fuck that means! Claim to have the solution to this free spending debt ridden morass of a problem, and claim that all you need is the entire state and federal government except the Presidency in order to implement it…What? You are really giving the power over to us? Sucker–I mean, smart move.

 

10. Reform and Austerity: Now that you have the levers of power in the states, and you have that pesky Muslim President tied up with legislative procedure and gridlock it is time to get rid of public employee unions (because they dared to do better and threat their workers better than others at the same time when the private industry was choking on its own crapulence), the welfare state (because we all know it is those damn poor people who forced the government to force the business to force the markets to…whatever! They dress badly), the minimum wage (because damned if I will have my natural right to work for 55cents an hour is taken away from me by those commie bastards!) and of course business regulation. Claim that this NOT the time for the government to use the credit cards AGAIN (even though the last time was like Christmas in July and this time it is like your son has terminal cancer…) and that the Free Market (PBUH), which just so happens to be doing JUST FINE after you bailed them out and now they want to go back to the casino daddy daddy pretty please can we go to the casino again, has all the answers!

 

***

 

You have done it! You have completed all 10 steps and are now on the road to becoming the dictator of a morally bankrupt corporate kleptocracy! All you need to do now is get rid of the social safety net, start a few more wars, abolish democracy, and come up with a design for some snappy storm trooper uniforms!

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2 thoughts on “A Sociopath’s Guide to Creating a Corporate Dictatorship In 10 Easy Steps

  1. I wonder how long we will have to deal with austerity before people finally realize they were robbed of everything from right under their noses. And no one (as of yet) has been held accountable. At least those damn poor people will dress better once they get their NWO uniforms 😉 Funny article!

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