art, Atheism, Entertainment, Religion, Satire, Uncategorized

So You are Thinking of Becoming a Christian?

I have seen and heard a lot of Christians listing all the reasons why atheism is evil and will destroy you from the inside and out…So I decided to create a [half] tongue-in-cheek list of my OWN that points out some “problems” with Christianity. Enjoy!

A few things to consider:

  1. Some doctors1 say that becoming a Christian increases your chances of contracting terminal cancer.
  2.  By worshiping the Christian god you run the risk of angering other gods like Baal and Vishnu. These gods may grow angry with you for this blasphemy and may choose to curse you with boils, warts, and diseases like cancer.
  3. Becoming a Christian may make you unpopular or even hated by your community. Your parents may very well disown you and take you out of their wills. If you are a man then women may be turned off by your Christian beliefs and refuse to sleep with you. If you are a woman then men may take your status as a Christian as an invitation to treat you like a lesser being and this may even lead to you being RAPED.
  4. Christians wear a torture device (the cross) on a chain around their necks. That is like wearing a guillotine! Do YOU want to be thought of as someone who supports torture?
  5. Did you know that Jesus had long hair and wore sandals and a dress? Did you also know that he supported “peace” and said that we should “love our neighbors like ourselves”? Don’t these sound like gay things to say? Do you want people to think YOU are gay?
  6. Did you know that the words Christian and cancer both start with the letter “C”? Do you think that is a coincidence?
  7. Did you know that Adolf Hitler was a Christian? So were Vlad the Impaler, the Green River Killer, Richard III, Al Sharpton, FDR, James Earl Ray, Ted Kennedy, and the people who started World War I? Do you want to be like them? Did you further know that Ted Kennedy died of cancer?
  8. Did you know that according to some people2 almost all violent crime in the USA is committed by Christians? Do you want to be a violent criminal?
  9. Did you know that some Christians eat the flesh and blood of their savior Jesus? This is called Cannibalism. Do you want to be a Cannibal?
  10. FINALLY: Did you know that Christians who engage in Cannibalism are ten (10) times as likely to contract cancer?3


Brought to you by “Atheists for Truth about Christianity”

  1. See footnote number 2
  2. See footnote number 1
  3. See footnotes 1 and 2

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