Funny, Limerick, poetry

Yet MORE Limericks!

There once was a man from Leicester

Who let his rotten teeth fester

His breath was so stinky

His gums so black and inky

His dentist threw him a fiesta!

***

His name was Caleb O’Ladd

He was named for his maternal grand-dad

His grandfather was poor

And wished he could give more

But the name was all that he had

***

There once was a woman from Fordham

Whose love life was nothing but boredom

So she went to the clinic

She entered a cynic

And exited a good sight more buxom!

***

I am not much of a cook

But I’ll fry up what I catch on a hook

From snapper to salmon

I’ll make it happen

Without a recipe or even a book

***

There once was a man from San Juan

Who really could not help but yawn

Everything bored him

So everyone ignored him

From sun up until the next dawn

***

There once was a lady from Boise

Whose derriere was really quite noisy

She’d cause people to start

With her monstrous fart

It goes without saying  her reputation was lousy

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Africa, Ancient History, history, Philosophy, poetry, St. Augustine

Augustine at Carthage (A Poem)

How does a philosopher spend his youth?

Among the euersores and the harlots

Gamboling in the parlors and alleys

The light of a strong young man burning bright

In the feared twilight world of paganism

The portentous lothario loved flesh

In all its forms and contortions thereof

Each full moment a celebration

Of life in all its fulsome sinful forms

But what of sin and its accoutrements?

Where do the sundry crimes of life reside?

What part of sin is unloosed when we

Mortal fools liberally partake in lust?

Are our foibles and follies recorded

In some exalted tome to be perused

At the conclusion of ages and time?

Perhaps someday Augustine will provide

The answers to these quixotic quarries

But now the song of Eros slowly plays

In his mind and his unquenchable heart

Alone with fair Nemo and her lithe form

The thinker plants his love and his seed

The fall of man explained in a moment

Of unrepentant and euphoric bliss

Tomorrow is for illumination

Tonight is the time for lovers and life

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MNF, NFL, opinion, Packers, Referee Lockout, Roger Goodell, Seahawks, Sports

Monday Night Fraud-Ball

This is not a sports blog in any sense of the term, nor am I really a sport fanatic. I am just a workaday fan of the Packers and watcher of International Soccer. With that being said…

 

The NFL referee lockout instigated by the greed and intransigence of the owners and Roger Goodell was an annoyance before, but the outright STEALING of a close and important game from a Packers team that CLEARLY had won  the game? That is just a step too far and pushes the NFL into the dark and illegitimate territory trail-blazed by the NBA and their terrible officials.

The NFL refs are considered some of the best officiating professionals in all of sports and all the want is a modest raise. The make this rough and tumble, sometimes ridiculously opaque game worth watching and all they want is a modest share in the vast wealth taken in by professional football. It seems like a small price to pay for a game that is worth watching. Apparently Goodell and the owners do not agree. They seem to think that whatever shoddy, slimy, slapdash product they put out there will sell and be revered by the fans and the viewing public as long as it has NFL slapped on it. If the reaction in the blogosphere, Twitter, Facebook, and Huffington Post (just to name a few sources), is any indication, this is not the case at all. There is only so much crap the American sports-viewing public will take and we may have just the limit here with this nationally televised Monday Night Fraud-Ball debacle.

Goodell? Owners? Get your rich, greedy, spoiled, tyrannical little heads out of your asses and give these hardworking refs what they and all union workers deserve: a fair hearing and a raise.

 

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Buddha, Buddhism, Hedonism, Philosophy, poetry, Reason, Religion

Mara (A Poem)

Peace is not known

Is without a feeling or an itch

It is forgiven

Mara

Mara saint of a thousand years of impulse

Every grain of rice every meal every hour spent

In contemplation of another craving

Beauty and lust and movement and pain

Reaching for another handful of life

It is without you that I can have nothing

Only nothing

Mara

Mara is fear and pleasure and gluttony and lust

Love and caring and skill and pride

He has a thousand eyes and a thousand arms

Each is its own branch

Each is its own tree

Each its own temptation

And the tears of his passion fall like the leaves in autumn

He is forever

He is forever

He is forever

Reach out your fingers

And trace the outlines of a tree at midnight

Blessed to be shown against the screaming moon

Mara

Teach me how to grasp the mundane

And the profane

And the ugly essence of every breath

And every ounce of blood and semen and bile

Spilled out upon the earth like a strange offering

Mara

Bless me and condone my anger and my joy

But never

Peace

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2012 Election, Arab Spring, Christopher Stevens, GOP, Libya, Mitt Romney, Obama, Politics

Mitt Drops A Deuce

The little photo meme I made above says it all in my opinion. Romney just proved that he has no decency or intelligence when it comes to foreign policy or really any other policy.

The Libyan situation is a tragedy and I really feel for Ambassador J. Christopher Stevens and the three embassy staff members and 11 Libya Civilians who were killed by the mob of Islamist fanatics. Of course Mitt Romney decided that this delicate and tragic situation was in need of an idiot to come in and politicize it all. Romney just disqualified himself from any other elected office in my opinion. He preempted the official Presidential response, and accused the President of SYMPATHIZING with the people responsible. Even the GOP blogosphere and media are attacking Mitt for his bad timing and stupidity!

That’s really all I have to say about the situation for now…I will end by thanking the Libyan people for their heartfelt support and apologies, though it is really not their fault at all, and also by thanking President Obama for not reacting to this situation the way George W. Bush would have: namely, invading and bombing Benghazi into the stone age. Thank you for being a good leader.

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Censorship, Internet, London, NSFW, Satire, Sex, Violence

NSFW (Naughty Satirical Forthright Writing)

It continues to amaze me how we as a society equate displays of human sexuality with acts of unimaginably depraved violence. A movie will get an R rating if it has a scene with a dozen men having their heads chopped or blown off. A movie will get an NC-17 rating or go unrated if it shows a man performing oral sex on a woman. It is rather hilarious (I say hilarious because it is less disheartening than saying “tragic”) that we, the “most powerful nation on earth” are also one of the most prudish.

Both times when I visited London (once in 2005 for a week and again in 2009 for roughly the same amount of time) I was pleasantly surprised by the relative openness with which sexuality was treated even at a basic pop-culture level. There were stickers for escort services, strip joint, and phone sex line plastered over almost every available surface, and this was not just in the “bad parts” of the city. I saw a rather comely blonde spread eagle on a sticker affixed to a phone booth right across the street from the venerable old Victoria And Albert Museum. Guess what? The cultural artifice did not burn down due to its proximity to such “filth”. Stunning, I know. Such “enlightened” sexuality is associated with urban decay (nice little race code-word, that) or with the Sin-topias known as L.A. and Las Vegas. Hilarious that such blatant recognition of sexual urges is on display in the former capital of the largest (and supposedly most “moral”) empire of all time.

I was also flabbergasted by posters showing films that in the US would have gotten the horrid “hard R” or NC-17 for sexual content rated here in the good ol’ UK as the equivalent of a PG. And lord almighty if I wasn’t struck nearly dumb to see the latest ultra-violent summer blockbusters rated for an audience of 17+ based on their unrealistic and unrelenting violence. It seemed that the Brits would rather that their kids see a couple fucking than a couple of heads on fucking pikes. What a moral wasteland this British realm has become. And don’t forget, you can see displays of nudity and sexuality in prime time that would be considered risqué for the most ratings starved pay cable network in the states. And, oh my god, the sexuality on display is (wait for it) FAR MORE REALISTIC AND LESS EXPLOITATIVE than much of what you see on US tv shows. It’s almost as if these people had decided that human sexuality was…normal.

Of course these are just circumstantial examples but there is a reason why circumstantial evidence is often frowned upon in a court of law: it is damn convincing. For goodness sake you can walk into the British equivalent of a 7/11 and come out with a hardcore porno mag (free hardcore DVD included) along with a copy of a tabloid that has topless photos right below the fold! Again, it is almost as though this society had decided that adults could be expected to make their own choices about what they find sexually acceptable. Limey perverts.

Here in the USA I could get banned from any number of social networking sites for daring to share, say, a rather hilarious and over the top clip from a hardcore porn film. But if I wanted to post a photo of Marvel Comics Wolverine impaling a Vietnamese villager with the spine of his own godmother, well then I am just one of so many other nerds posting his favorite “graphic novel” moments for all to appreciate! Now I am not saying that violence and sexuality should be treated the same way…actually I am. I do not believe in any censorship beyond “close your eyes”, “turn the channel/refresh the page” or “replace your eyes with two tiny copies of the Old Testament”. If you do not want to see “flith” of the sexual or violent kind then it is your right to watch old Little House on the Prairie reruns on the Hallmark channel (I recommend the episode where Nellie Oleson and the hunky blonde Swedish boy run off and get married and are caught by their parents right before the underage prairie sex-fest is about to commence. Don’t believe me? Google it) but please do not ruin the Gomorrahean fun for the rest of us sinners. I want my sex and my violence UNENCUMBERED by paternalism pleaseandthankyouverymuch.

I personally would rather see a “Freewheeling Tranny MILF” get boned by an ugly fratboy with a Viagra hard-on than I would a video of Optimus Prime beating a ghetto-stereotype car-robot into submission OR a video of a child being beheaded by an Islamic fundamentalist but hey, that’s just me.  I guess my point is this: why is it considered “deviant” to enjoy wanton displays of human sexual lust and carnality but not when it comes to watching the human dog-fighting cum “legitimate sport” of MMA (again, I like both. I do not discriminate in my consumption of depravity)? Why can’t we all just be trusted as adults to watch what we want to watch where we want to watch it? And believe me, if a kid WANTS to see a Latina Lesbian Gangbang video or two grown Brazilian men beating the living shit out of each other for energy-drink sponsorships, then they will. It is called the internet, and it makes all your puny morality laws and mores irrelevant. Resistance is futile puny American puritans. Now let’s watch the latest episode of “Japanese Tentacle Rape Fun-Time America WOW” on youporn.

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Chicago, Chicago Teachers Union, CTU Strike, School, Teachers

Teachers ROCK!

I know teachers, I am friends with teachers, and people who heap shame and hate on teachers never seem to cite any particular teacher, just “those” teachers, someone else’s teacher. They never mention THEIR teacher or their KIDS teachers. It is just like the “welfare queen” myth: it is the “teachers and their unions are evil” meme, and it is classist, anti-intellectual, and anti-labor claptrap. Teachers are underpaid, overworked, underrepresented in government and often vilified for the failures of communities and parents. Teachers get all children and do not ever turn a child away. This means they get the troubled cases and the geniuses, and everyone in between. We cannot blame teachers for bad classrooms or test scores when their class sizes are doubled, their salaries cut, their hours increased, their breaks and prep times slashed, and the benefits eliminated. We also hold our schools to testing standards that are unreasonable, racist, classist, and proven to be bad indicators of how and what children learn.

Good Teachers (and that is the VAST majority of them) have been proven to improve economic growth, help raise healthier and happier kids, and reduce crime and violence in communities. Teachers MAKE communities!

We must STAND with teachers, and give them the tools they need to shape our children into the thinkers, artists, workers, leaders and activists we will  need in this coming century! I stand with the Chicago Teachers Union and all the teachers and students everywhere who protest for their rights and for a fair contract and safe and healthy classrooms.

If you want more info on the issues, the strike, or just on our great Chicago teachers check these sites out!

http://www.ctunet.com/

http://boldprogressives.org/chicagos-teachers-just-went-on-strike-heres-everything-you-need-to-know-about-why/

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