Debate, Election 2012, President Obama, Romney

Presidential Debate: Romney Zingers

What follows are my predictions as to what canned lines Mitt Romney will whip out in this debate. I am in no way being facetious with this list. In no way. None. At all. I mean it. Seriously.

***

*Handshake between the two political foes culminates in an attempted low-five from Mitt Romney. Obama merely laughs.*

“Nothing says American President material more than plastic hair and a fake tan.”

“What President Obama fails to realize is that I am indeed down with the peeps. Represent. Who let the dogs out?”

“My healthcare plan? Well if you have the flu I suggest you jump in front of a moving car and get sent to an ER. No socialism there!”

“If I am elected president I’ll be whoever you want me to be for an hour at a time.”

“That man who I am currently jerking off? Oh, that just David Koch.”

“I love Mexicans! At least as long as they are white, Mormon, and have 5 wives.”

“If I lose I am self deporting myself to be with my money in the Cayman Islands.”

“Haha! Why am I laughing like an idiot? Because I am scared shit-less by the prospect of  life after running for President!”

“America has voted, and the next American Idol is Sanjaya Malakar!”

*Debates ends and Obama and Romney again shake hands. Romney feels the need to end the night with an awkward jig*

If any of these things actually happen I will post a photo of myself in a dog custom on top of my car.

 

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