What follows are my predictions as to what canned lines Mitt Romney will whip out in this debate. I am in no way being facetious with this list. In no way. None. At all. I mean it. Seriously.
*Handshake between the two political foes culminates in an attempted low-five from Mitt Romney. Obama merely laughs.*
“Nothing says American President material more than plastic hair and a fake tan.”
“What President Obama fails to realize is that I am indeed down with the peeps. Represent. Who let the dogs out?”
“My healthcare plan? Well if you have the flu I suggest you jump in front of a moving car and get sent to an ER. No socialism there!”
“If I am elected president I’ll be whoever you want me to be for an hour at a time.”
“That man who I am currently jerking off? Oh, that just David Koch.”
“I love Mexicans! At least as long as they are white, Mormon, and have 5 wives.”
“If I lose I am self deporting myself to be with my money in the Cayman Islands.”
“Haha! Why am I laughing like an idiot? Because I am scared shit-less by the prospect of life after running for President!”
“America has voted, and the next American Idol is Sanjaya Malakar!”
*Debates ends and Obama and Romney again shake hands. Romney feels the need to end the night with an awkward jig*
If any of these things actually happen I will post a photo of myself in a dog custom on top of my car.