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Oh My God. My Baby.

This is not just a screaming baby. No. It is my undoing.

With every middle of the night scream session, every endless pacing, shushing, rocking dance I engage in brings me one step closer to just ordering pancakes for dinner and pizza for breakfast and trying to marry cats and dogs against their will. One step closer to complete madness.

Next, I’ll be watching Two and a Half Men and laughing. Laughing at the jokes. Laughing at the jokes they tell on Two and a Half Men. I’ll find it funny. I will become the anti-me, because the regular me will have shriveled up and disappeared due to lack of sleep and not enough baby kisses.

He’ll look you in the eyes, you know. Look you straight in the eyes and just scream. Scream and scream and scream, all while maintaining eye contact, as if to say, “I know you…

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