4500 people from West Africa die of Ebola (the number is probably much higher) no one in this nation gives a shit. 3 people get Ebola in the US…NOW IT IS THE TIME TO PANIC! Melanin content seems to be the line in the sand that divides a problem “over there” from a Crisis with a capital C “over here”. We read between the lines and see that what we are being told is not “you are about to die from Ebola” but “you are about to die because some sick dark people are coming over here with their exotic dark people disease”. Why else would we have some calling for the closing of the MEXICAN border (last I checked, not a part of West Africa)? Scary disease from abroad means close the borders and hide the (white) women and children! Never mind that more people die from boring old Influenza then will ever die from Ebola. Westerners are SUPPOSED to die from that disease, one we envision lives in a comfy little germ house with its stable germ nuclear family in its up and coming germ neighborhood. Ebola is “that” germ family moving into the gated community; “we’ll get sick and die from our OWN germs, thank you very much.” Something tells us that Ebola would not have voted for Ronald Reagan. Thanks, Obama.
Congress held one of its circle-jerks/televised hearings on the topic of Ebola today. They even brought a knowledgeable and suitably boring Doctor to testify and keep us from collectively wetting ourselves. Ebola is NOT as contagious as AIDS. It is NOT airborne. Ebola is NOT going to turn the US into a Mad Max Thunderdome dystopia where it is every (white) man and his AR-15 for himself (so sit down Louie Gohmert, and zip up your fly!). In fact, Dr. Boring lets us know, there are some very simple but non-sexy things we can do to combat this disease. First we must–
I KNOW, Congressmen scream, LETS BAN ALL FLIGHTS FROM AFRICA. The motion is carried. No more motherfucking African pathogens on our motherfucking planes. No lets send the National Guard to Africa and keep all the sickies from getting on board. No way THAT could be taken the wrong way by all the dying Africans and exhausted foreign aid workers. Keep that stuff on YOUR side of the tracks, thank you very much. Tons of money to keep Ebola away in the most telegenic way possible, but not a dime for more plastic tarps to cover the rotten bodies of the Liberian kindergarteners rotting in the streets of Monrovia. Put “Over There” on the turntable. Turn that phonograph up to 11! I like my xenophobia loud and clear.
Some of our more enlightened citizens suggest that maybe we should coordinate efforts through the UN and try and save West Africa for its own sake. You know, them being human beings and all. Nope. Joe The (well paid Fox News Contributor) Plumber says we should cover the whole region in Napalm and watch it burn. If the free-market couldn’t save those poor souls then nothing will. Strike the match. Red blooded American men ain’t gonna be dying of no Commie Foreigner disease. Let’s form a string quartet and practice while West Africa burns up from a fever of 104.3!
“Hoist the flag and let her fly/Yankee Doodle do or die.”
Apparently the President has appointed an Ebola Czar…I guess we just have to hope now that Ebola doesn’t discover the works of V.I. Lenin.