Religion, Satire

A Letter From Jesus to Josh Duggar

pissed jesus

Mr. Duggar

It has come to my attention that you are using my name and my ability to cleanse the world of sin with my holy blood to excuse and explain away your horrific crimes against little girls. I would just like to say: stop! Consider this a cease and desist notice. My lawyers (Darrow, Hand & Hand) have informed me that I am not allowed to reach down from heaven above and smack the ever-loving evangelical shit out of you, but I can do this: please stop worshiping me. Your status as a believer in my words and deeds is rather, well, let’s just say it is not in the interest of me and my followers. I am aware that you claim to be an ardent believer in my power and my love, but even I have my limits. Your SISTERS? REALLY? And your Dad brought you in to confess to a fellow child molester? Then again, I have never understood your family’s view of my “message”…If I had wanted to to procreate like rabbits I (or rather my dad…who is me…but let’s not get THAT started again) would have made you rabbits. Let’s put a hard limit at, say, six kids? 19…For the love of me…

Anyway, I hope you understand the position you have put me in as a savior. I don’t like having to cut people out of the whole “forever saved by my grace” thing, but, I mean, come on…your SISTERS? If you continue to find a need to believe in something I have heard that ISIS are recruiting and there is always the catholic priesthood…they tend to be understanding of people with your…proclivities.

Yours in Me

Jesus Christ

p.s. Tell Mike Huckabee to shut the fuck up already. He’s already on my bad side, and I don’t want to have to send my friend Lucifer after him…Job didn’t like that very much and I don’t think Mike would either. Just sayin’.

p.p.s And another thing, where the FUCK does Jim Bob Duggar get off saying his daugthers “weren’t aware” of what happened to them/was happening to them? And why the FUCK would you not report it? And what the FUCK does “he was just a juvenile” supposed to mean? HE MOLESTED HIS SISTERS, and his response was to “not let the kids play hide and seek” anymore? WHAT. THE. FUCK? That is all

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